Wednesday, December 5, 2012

the journey

so this is a post that i've been writing for just over 2 months. it has become like a bit of a journal for me. but now that all of our family and close friends know & i let out our little secret on facebook today i decided it was time to finally post this. it's a bit boring, but i know i'll love reading it in the future. enjoy.

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September 25th 2012.
my period is a whole day late (VERY unusual for me) so, of course, i think i'm pregnant. i have only taken 3 pregnancy tests in my whole life and they were all positive. i'm terrified of taking a negative test...i'm not sure why.

i will probably take a test tomorrow when me and the hubby are home alone (that is, if nothing starts by then) hubby doesn't know that i'm late yet. so this might be fun or it might be disappointing. we'll see.

 i decided to write all about this and not post it yet just so i can look back and remember.

 September 26th 2012.
 i did the pregnancy test this morning. i was going to wait until after we dropped the boys off at school but i REALLY needed to go potty. so i went ahead and did it and then when we got back home i told jake. like me, he has been suspecting.

oh, the results? positive! as usual, it took all of 15 seconds for the test to show a nice strong positive sign.

once i told jake we celebrated and then prayed like crazy. i will pray for this baby like i have never prayed before.

 i'm so excited. and slightly terrified.

September 28th 2012.
spent half the day with a close friend and the other half of the day with my mom and now i know just how hard it's going to be to keep this to myself for 7 (or more) weeks :/

September 29th 2012.
i have been surprisingly NOT emotional so far...until i was looking back to april on my facebook & blog . reading about my last baby makes me a bit weepy. i miss her. this one is in no way a "replacement" for her. i will not ever forget her. the love we have/had for her. the pain we went through in losing her. i just miss her and we haven't even reached the due date yet.

i'm very hopeful for this pregnancy. i truly feel that a bad fall i took at 12 weeks in my last pregnancy is most likely what caused the miscarriage. so i am keeping both feet firmly on the ground this time around and am really hoping for full term healthy baby!!

September 30th 2012.
i have had super high anxiety for the past 2 days. i am slightly freaking out because i have no symptoms (so far)  almost NO nausea and no sore boobs. it's very nerve wracking to me. i had trouble sleeping last night. i know i need to relax but i just can't seem to.

October 1st 2012.
i just learned that i am expecting a "rainbow baby" (definition: is a baby that is born following a miscarriage or still birth. The storm (pregnancy loss) has already happened and nothing can change that experience. Storm-clouds might still be overhead as the family continue to cope with the loss, but something colorful and bright has emerged from the darkness and misery.) i am hopeful that we will get our rainbow and not another storm!
side note: as of yesterday i am at 5 weeks.

October 2nd 2012.
i was a tiny bit nauseous today! YAY!

October 3rd 2012.
not talking to anyone (except jake) about this is hard! i'm having a very emotional night and since he works till midnight i'm feeling very alone right now. i guess i should chalk this up at a symptom and enjoy it as much as i have been enjoying my nausea.

October 8th 2012.
i hit the 6 week mark yesterday and the morning sickness is defiantly here and it is no joke. but i still find joy in it!!

October 14th 2012.
7 weeks today. this is getting so hard to hide, mainly because i always feel sick! keeping this a secret from friends and family is so difficult. i've been spending a lot of time with my sister and ,as always, my mom.

October 15th 2012.
constipation is killing me. this might be too much information. but it is a fact.

October 19th 2012.
i feel yucky 24 hours a day. always feeling sick & always tired. it makes it hard to keep my secret but it is still secret...for the most part. in the beginning jake wanted to keep it a secret till we were at 15 weeks...YEAH RIGHT. that would be physically impossible for me! but we're barely at 8 weeks and he's dropping hints to the boys and he had this look in his eye the last time we saw his parents i thought for sure he was going to tell them right then and there!! we'll see if we can make it 12 weeks...highly unlikely.

October 24th 2012.
8 weeks 3 days: had our first dr. appointment yesterday & it was great! everything is right on track and the dr. even did a quick ultrasound so we could check on our little baby. we saw what looked like a perfect gummy bear, a strong heartbeat and even a little swimming action! even though we would normally go in every 4 weeks at this stage the dr is having us come back every 2 weeks until we all feel like we're out of the woods. so in 2 weeks i get HEAR this strong little heartbeat! then to finish off our appointment my [AMAZING] dr. asked to pray with us. i love that man!

October 27th.
we told the boys yesterday solomon said "yessss, i knew it!" and moses was like "oh yeah, moms baby in her tummy" like he already knew too. can't get anything past these boys!

November 2nd.
 9 weeks 6 days: my morning sickness has been constant all day. ALL. DAY. i am thankful for this gauge that tells me everything is "normal" but i just feel like a pathetic puddle of yuckiness. moses has taken it upon himself to forgo bed time to take care of me and has decided that i have had too much sugar and that i need water. what a sweet boy!

November 6th.
10 weeks 2 days. we had our second doctors appointment this morning and we got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. it was perfect. again, my doctor was cautiously [very] optimistic, he prayed with us again and asked me to come back in two weeks and we'll take another peek.

November 13th.
11 weeks 2 days. nothing new. been sick and trying to stay out of trouble. we're hoping to announce to family on thanksgiving.

November 20th.
12 weeks 2 days. had another dr. appointment today and we got to hear and see our little baby again!! it took a while (seemed like FOREVER) to find the heartbeat & then there was little clomp, clomp, clomp loud and strong and then we got to have a peek at our little babe
here is baby breece #4
 i am feeling confident that we'll get to bring this one home!! i am feeling blessed and thankful today.

November 26th.
13 weeks 1 day!! we told almost all of our family last week and their responses were better than i imagined! it's so nice to have it out in the open. i will probably wait till next week to post this and tell the world of facebook.
i'm feeling so much better these days. although i didn't get enough sleep yesterday which made for a very nauseous day (but it was a nice reminder that everything is on track!)
at the end of this week jake starts a new job and new schedule and our lives will be turned upside down for a little while while we adjust. praying it all goes smoothly!

December 4th.
14 weeks 2 days. i truly feel like i'm out of the woods! i had another appointment today and my dr. agrees. i've been going in every 2 weeks and today we decided that my next appointment will be in 4 weeks because we feel comfortable enough that this baby is here to stay. we got to hear a nice strong heartbeat (140-145 beats per minute) and it was just a nice easy visit.
ALL of our family knows now and a lot of friends...good thing too cause i'm already showing (thats the trouble with not ever losing "baby weight" AND having a lot of stretch belly remembers EXACTLY what to do and it does it fast!)