so i looked up the meaning of both names
Beautiful. Life. yes. her life was beautiful for the 3 months she swam around my belly. i enjoyed every nauseous second of it. my husband loved her already. my boys were already preparing to be big brothers. she was loved and her short life was beautiful.
i then went on to read the story of Naomi in the Bible. she was a beautiful woman who had it all a husband and two sons but they all died and when she traveled back to her hometown with just her one daughter-in-law someone said to her "hey is that you Naomi?"
"But she said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, and the Lord has brought me home again empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the Lord has testified against me, and the Almighty has afflicted me?” (Ruth 1:20-21 ESV)
wow. that kind of struck me. "the Almighty had dealt very bitterly with me" "the Almighty has afflicted me" not that i think the Lord dealt bitterly to my baby. but on saturday as i lay in bed with horrible crampy from what i endured the day before i felt like i had been dealt with bitterly. not saying that my experience will make me bitter-just that in the moment i felt like changing my name to Mara!!
the Lord showed me that we didn't pick this name for our baby but that He lead us to it.
*side note: when jake told moses what we named the baby he was a bit put off he said "HEY! i already named her "baby spider-man"!!" i told him he could still call her that.*